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  Copyright © 2016 by Charlotte Michelle

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  OUR MAE

  A Blind Alpha Bonus

  By: Charlotte Michelle

  ©CharlotteMichelle2017

  Lana

  September 7, 2018

  I rest my head in my hands, a thousand thoughts swarming my mind. How is he going to react? What is he going to say? Is he ready? Am I ready? I am surprised it is even possible, considering my history.

  After everything that has happened to my body, how is it possible for life to still grow within me? I certainly don’t deserve it. That much is true.

  I was a selfish girl when I took the life of my second child. No matter how many times I tried to justify it, by using Landon as an excuse or even saying I was clouded by rage, I mourn for the child.

  There was life within me. I was carrying a child created by my own DNA… A part of me. Yes, the other half was from Castor… and the thought of having his child chills me to the bone. The life that child would have lived would have been full of second-guessed love.

  Landon would have loved him for only one reason: he came from me. A wolf is territorial and possessive. To have their mate carry the child from another male is unheard of. Some males kill the child when it’s born. Landon wouldn’t have done that. He would have lived in misery. Every day, he would stare into the eyes of the kid who was fathered by Castor.

  The man who killed Landon’s baby.

  Even though I tell myself that is the reason I killed Castor’s baby, I know it is not the truth. I did it to wound Castor. I wanted to look him in the eyes and take away the one thing that meant something to him, just as Castor had done to Landon and me.

  It was selfish, and I am disgusted with the woman I used to be.

  So how can I now have a child? How can I bring an innocent child into this world? Will I be able to love it after everything? Will I be able to look at it with love and adoration, without feeling guilt and hatred towards myself?

  Is Landon ready for a baby? He still has intense nightmares that awaken him in a cold sweat. He even has angry spurts where he lashes out at members of our pack and destroys some of our furniture. I know he will never hurt our child, but I am sure he doubts his ability to be a father.

  Just as I doubt mine as a mother.

  We have grown in the years since Castor’s torment. Our pack is stronger than ever before, especially since we have our new allies.

  But there are still personal conflicts we face every day.

  I sigh, looking at the far wall of our bedroom. Landon is out training some of the younger men in the pack. Perhaps it would be best to take him on a run and then tell him our news.

  I stand, glancing in the mirror to see a natural glow upon my cheeks. I can’t help but smile softly at the woman before me. She looks like a mother.

  When I made it outside, I find Landon easily. His large white wolf is pacing back and forth as he keeps his eyes on the youngsters. They fight with each other, the wolves snarling and snapping but never harming. I quickly shift into my brown wolf and trot over to Landon. His back is to me, and I quietly creep up to his side.

  He is focused on the training that he doesn’t seem to hear me. I rub my head against his side, softly growling as I do so. Landon turns his large head to meet my gaze. I step closer to him, my body pressed against his. Our fur mingles together, mixing into a blond color.

  Lana, Landon says softly, his voice filled with love. I hum in appreciation, licking his soft cheek. Landon closes his eyes, allowing his scars to become fully visible. I lick them as well, just as I do every time we are in wolf form. Landon was once bothered by it… Now he seems to enjoy the small sign of affection.

  Can you join me for a walk? I ask, nodding toward the forest. Landon whips his head back around to the pups. He quickly dismisses them for the day, giving him slight praise before he meets my gaze. He nods his head, telling me to lead the way.

  Ever since Castor, I am always within Landon’s line of sight when I am not within the house. Landon is overly protective of me. However, I do not blame him. What we witnessed happen to one another was painful and heartbreaking.

  I trot ahead of Landon, sashaying my hips as I do so. I flick my tail a few times, giggling as Landon growls deeply. He knows I am teasing him, and it pleases me that I still have an effect on him. A fear of mine was growing distant, just as my parents did. As they aged, they grew more contempt with one another. They are mates, so they are possessive, but their love has diminished.

  But that will not happen with Landon and me. We have been through too much.

  Landon and I continue at a smooth pace, prancing through the forest for a few minutes before I stop and turn to him. Landon rubs his head against mine, moving down to my shoulder where he gently nips at it. My wolf shudders at the feeling.

  There is something we need to discuss, I say to him. Landon hears the serious tone of my voice and steps back, tilting his head to the side.

  I sigh, sitting down and lowering my head a few inches. Landon snarls, his lip rising over his canines before he lowers to his stomach. He crawls on his stomach until he is nearly under me. He raises his head and licks my chin.

  Landon hates when I show submission to him. He views me as his equal, and whenever I submit, he always takes it a step further. I admire him for doing so. He isn’t the Alpha with me. He hasn’t used his Alpha authority on me in years.

  What do you need to tell me? Landon asks. I shift my position and lie beside him, my head resting on his back. Landon licks my shoulder before his head rests on my back as well.

  I know you have been hesitant and nervous about being a father. But I think you will be a great one, Landon. You are kind and just, and you will love our baby with everythi
ng. Are you ready to be a father, Landon? I ask. I feel Landon tense from under me. He lifts his head to reach over and bite hard on my ear.

  I whimper and roll onto my back. He pounces on top of me, his body lowering, so his heavy weight is upon me.

  What are you saying, Lana? His voice is slow as he emphasizes every word.

  You’re going to be a father, Landon.

  Landon growls low within his chest before he steps off me, walking backward. He bares his teeth at me, his eyes hold sadness.

  What happened to the medicine the doctor gave you? Have you quit taking it? Were you planning on getting pregnant? Landon asks, his voice filled with disbelief.

  I frown. This was definitely not the reaction I was expecting. Being shocked is understandable, but I imagined him having some sort of excitement. He resents this child before it’s even born—the child created from our love.

  I rise to my feet and shake my head, scoffing in disbelief and anger. How dare he accuse me of something like that—of trying to blackmail him.

  You’re serious? You think I would do that to you?

  Landon just stares at me, his eyes traveling down to my stomach. I tense, not expecting the daggers he sends. Without thinking, I turn and run back to the house. The instinct to protect my child is overwhelming. But I never thought I would be protecting it from my mate, from its father.

  I hear Landon snarl from behind as he follows after me. Glancing over my shoulder, I see him nearing. I slow down and then stop, tucking my tail between my legs and shrinking into a quivering ball as I look up at Landon.

  There has never been a time when I was afraid of Landon, of fearing for my life. But it’s not my life I fear for right now. Does he really have the intent of harming my child? Our child?

  Lana… Landon warns as he slowly stalks toward me. I growl at him, baring my teeth as well. He growls back. Quiet, he demands, lowering his head slightly to look in my eyes. I would never harm the child, Lana. I see a battle raging from within his eyes. The sides of them dip down as he frowns as much as a wolf can.

  Landon stops a few feet from me before he lies back on his stomach, his head resting on his paws. He watches me for a few minutes, not moving. Water gathers within his eyes.

  What kind of a father will I be? His tone breaks my heart. I whimper and crawl towards him, resting my snout beside his. Landon looks at me, his bright blue eyes hesitant. The things I’ve seen, what I did to Castor… Those hands that beat and killed are to cradle our baby? She will despise me when she finds out the truth.

  I can’t help but feel a flutter of butterflies in my stomach when he says “she.” He wants our daughter that we dreamed of years ago, our Mae.

  Landon, you must not think that. You will be the greatest father that you can be. And our child will love you so much, just as I do. What was done was to protect this pack and me. No one thinks badly of you because of it.

  Landon lets out a huff before he licks my snout and rises so he’s resting on his elbows. I roll onto my side, feeling the leaves and the cool dirt through my fur. I close my eyes as I listen to the world around us.

  Birds sing a happy song in the trees while the last of the leaves rustle. The wind has a soft whistle as it runs through my fur. I hear the bleating of a deer in the distance.

  Things are so different, from the time I dreamed of Mae. I was excited to have a daughter, who would have been surrounded by people who loved her. We were so happy, Lana. I know happiness is starting to resurface with us, but I can still see the torment and pain within you. I just wanted the best for our daughter, I guess.

  I open my eyes to see Landon standing and pacing around me.

  His words hold nothing but the truth. The years have been spent salvaging our old relationship and the joy we once found with each other. It was hard for Landon to look at me and not see Castor, just as I couldn’t look at Landon without a sense of guilt.

  After a lot of work, we are able to be with one another and just… be. But there still seems to be a void with us. Our love is unbreakable, yet there is something missing.

  And I am certain it is the daughter we dreamed of all those nights ago.

  In your dream, we were happy because of the daughter we had. Landon, Mae is going to bring us so much joy and love. I know you’re worried, but you’re going to be a great father. You are selfless and gentle. Trust me when I say that this child is going to be an answered prayer.

  Landon looks over his shoulder to meet my gaze. I give him a pleading stare, begging him to see the situation as I do. Landon sighs and walks over to rub his large head against mine. I let out a mewling sound, licking the fur under his ear.

  Alright, Lana. I’ll try to see this as you do.

  * * *

  I roll over in bed, my eyes barely opening as I look over at the clock. 4:25 AM. I gasp, sitting up straight. My heart races as I throw the blanket off my body and run to the room adjacent from mine. The door is slightly ajar, and I push it open only to stop short at the sight in front of me.

  Landon sits in the rocking chair, just barely moving back and forth as he stares lovingly down at the bundle in his arms. Upon hearing me, he glances up to smirk at me. His eyes are bright blue. He always ensures he has his vision when he is with Mae. He always wants to see her.

  I place a hand to my beating heart, tears rolling down my cheeks as all my emotions overcome me. “I-I thought something was wrong. She always cries at four.” My stomach is in knots as I walk forward to gaze down at my sleeping beauty. She sucks on her pacifier, her head nestled comfortably on her father’s chest and arm.

  Her hair is thick and nearly white upon her head. Her eyes are a beautiful shade of hazel, hidden behind her eyelids and black lashes.

  “I thought you could use your sleep. I got her a bottle, and we’ve spent the last half hour talking,” Landon says.

  I nod my head, overwhelmed with love. I lean down and place a chaste kiss to his lips. I rest my forehead against his and take a few deep breaths before I gaze back down at our daughter.

  “She’s so beautiful, Lana. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this small so much,” Landon says, using his free hand to lightly brush her cheeks with his fingers. Mae lets out a soft whimper, making sucking noises as the pacifier bobs up and down.

  I sit on the couch beside the rocking chair and watch the father and daughter bond. Landon looks so blissfully happy, it warms my heart. I haven’t seen him this happy since before Castor.

  I knew Mae was going to be the answer to all our problems. She has brought this pack closer together. We are finally a family again.

  Since her birth, Trent hasn’t been as cold towards me as he used to be. He no longer looks at me with contempt or brushes me off whenever I try to have a conversation. He was actually very supportive and kind when I was in the infirmary, ready to deliver Mae. And when she was born, he held her and congratulated Landon and me.

  Natalie is almost sixteen, and even though she can’t see Trent as her mate, she has agreed to date him. They have started a relationship outside of being mates… And I believe that will only cause their union to grow stronger in time. They have a foundation to build on.

  “What were you guys talking about?” I ask Landon, my tone barely a whisper to keep from waking up Mae. Landon rises from the rocking chair and gently sets Mae in her crib. He then walks over to sit beside me on the couch. He grabs my legs and jerks me over, so I am practically sitting on his lap. I loop my arms around his neck and rest my head against his.

  “How much I love her mother. And how lucky she is to have you. How lucky we are to have her,” Landon whispers, lightly running his fingers up and down the length of my right leg. I bite my bottom lip to keep from smiling like a maniac.

  “You didn’t mention how great her father is? Tsk, Landon.”

  “Trust me, love. She already knows.”

  I giggle, leaning back to look lovingly into his eyes. They are hazed over. I know it is a lot of work to keep his s
ight, especially so early in the morning.

  I run my fingers over the scars, pouring every ounce of my love into the gentle touch. I remember when I first saw Landon in his office. He was so self-conscious about his scars that he wore sunglasses. He was so quick to put them on for the newcomer to the pack. But I was his mate, and his scars were nothing but beautiful to me.

  They still are.

  Landon quickly stands to his feet, an arm under my knees and back as he stealthily walks us out of the nursery. When we reach our bedroom, he kicks the door close and tosses me onto the bed. I giggle, crawling backward to the pillows.

  “I love you so much, Lana. I never want you to doubt that,” Landon says, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head. I stare at him with a lustful gaze. No matter how long we are together, I will never get over how handsome he is… And all mine.

  “I don’t. I love you too,” I say.

  Landon smirks, crawling on the bed until he is hovering over me. “You know, I’ve been thinking.” He places a kiss on my lips. I hum in appreciation, slipping my fingers through his thick hair.

  “What have you been thinking about?” I ask.

  “I think perhaps we should try for another kid.”

  I let out a joyful laugh and bring Landon close as we spend the rest of the morning doing just that.

  Make sure to read the whole story when you buy Blind Alpha available on Amazon!

  About the Author

  I live in Oswego, Illinois. I am a shift manager at Starbucks and I am using the Starbucks Achievement Plan through Arizona State University to get my bachelors in English. My favorite spot to write is in my living room, sitting on the couch with my dog by my feet. My passion for writing is inspired by my grandfather, who is a professor at Harper College and holds a talent for writing himself.