Renew Page 8

  Again…who is Cam?

  “Adelaide, why don’t you go over to the Muddy Pearl? I know you wanted to get something for Kristy…I’ll meet you there,” Maddox says, his expression desperate. I furrow my brows and glance back at the girl.

  “Oh! You’re Adelaide? I’ve heard all about you! I’m so sorry to hear about your mother…poor thing! How are you settling in? Must be hard, not knowing a darned thing about the outside world and then being thrust into it! I can only imagine—”

  “Emily! Enough!” Maddox growls and I look at him with wide eyes as a pain twists my heart.

  How does she know about all of that? Did Maddox really tell her? I feel betrayed. I trusted him with my feelings and he shared them with this woman? Who is she?

  Tears prickle in my eyes. “Adelaide, please.” I spin on the balls of my feet, heeding Maddox’s plea as I storm down the sidewalk, passing the boutique I was planning on shopping in for Kristy.

  Tears roll down my cheeks as I feel an absurd amount of pain in my chest. How could he do this to me?

  It is so unlike Maddox to do this. One moment he’s gifting me with a horse, buying me a hat and gifts for Phoenix, and then it is revealed that he shared my past with a complete stranger. And why does she call him Cameron? Is that his real name? In all the books and movies, I’ve never heard of someone named Maddox. It seems odd. Did he make it up? Do the Cranes know?

  Questions swarm my head as I try to understand. I walk for a couple of minutes until I’m a decent distance away from the store and sit on a bench. I wrap my arms around my stomach and lean forward as a sob shakes through me.

  Is this what my mother warned me about? Because, in this moment, it truly feels as if my heart is breaking in two. It feels as if someone has ripped open my chest and sliced my heart. I always thought she meant it literally, however I’m understanding it was a figurative meaning.

  I never thought I would want to see my old home again, however in this moment I want nothing more. I want to feel the comfort that sitting at my window brought me. I want to be secluded from the world and the hurt it has bestowed upon me.

  I openly trusted Maddox and the Cranes…is this my punishment? Was I so naïve to believe that my mother could have been wrong?

  “Are you okay?” I lift my head at the masculine voice in front of me. I look at the young stranger, his dark eyes scrutinizing me. I nod my head, not wanting any company at the moment. “Are you sure, little lady? You look like you could use a hug.”

  With that, he sits beside me and drapes an arm around my shoulder. I tense, instinctively trying to stand and put distance between us. He carries a strong odor, like a stale burn. I notice a cigarette in his shirt pocket and instantly put two-and-two together. “Let me go,” I whisper, trying to squirm out of his hold. His fingers dig into my arm and he pulls me close.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you, Adelaide Crane.” How does he know my name? How does he know who I am? Did Maddox share my story with him too?

  Did Maddox send me out to be picked up by this man? Is he sick of all my questions and company?

  Tears continue to fall as I struggle against his hold. “Shh, little lady. Don’t make a scene.” With a hard tug, he places me against his chest and ducks his head down so our noses brush. I squeal, thrashing against him as his lips merely brush against mine. I hardly feel them before warm arms wrap around my waist and hoist me away from the vile man.

  The strong chest pressed against me is familiar, and I momentarily push the notion of betrayal aside as I cling to Maddox. “You dare touch her like that?” Maddox snarls at the man sitting on the bench. I refuse to look at him, my fingers wrapping around Maddox’s plaid shirt.

  “It’s all just a little fun, Cameron.”

  “Stay away from her, Nile! I will not have you and Emily terrorizing her!” Nile knows Emily? Who are these people? And why do they call him Cameron?

  Nile chuckles low behind me and I hear shuffling. Suddenly, I am twisted and shoved behind Maddox’s back, his hand closing tight around my wrist to hold onto me. He stands as a barrier between me and Nile.

  “You let me rot for two years, Cameron! I do not easily forget…hold her close to you. Be a shame if a pretty thing like that was snatched away…” Nile sends me a wink and then turns to walk away.

  Maddox spins, grabbing my shoulders and giving me a thorough shake. “Why didn’t you go to the boutique? Do you have any idea how worried I was? And then I see that monster on top of you…” Maddox trails off, grabbing his hat and running his hand through his hair before putting it back on. “I died a thousand deaths, Adelaide.” His voice is a mere whisper as he looks at me with such sadness.

  “You told Emily about my life…” I mumble.

  “What? Oh, heavens, Adelaide. You honestly believe I’d tell a soul about the conversations we share? I’d never tell anyone about your past. I can imagine one person who would, however.” Maddox runs a hand down his face and lets out a deep sigh.

  Who would have told someone? Is he suggesting one of the Cranes?

  I shake my head, running a hand over my cheeks to wipe my tears away. “Why did they call you Cameron?” I ask.

  Maddox grabs my arm gently and pulls me closer to him. “Adelaide, my past is a dark one, and I don’t wish to pull you into it. However, if you truly want to know, I’ll tell you everything.”

  I stare at him, seeing a sense of vulnerability within his gaze. I do want to know everything about Maddox. However, if what happened today is just the tip off the iceberg, I can’t imagine what the rest would be like. It has already managed to change my opinion of Maddox, and even though I have been able to restore it, I don’t want to chance looking at him in a different light…not yet.

  Maddox has become a safe haven, and when I believed he betrayed me, it was almost as if I lost my own footing. I don’t want to risk losing the safety his presence brings me.

  “I want you to tell me everything, Maddox. Just not yet.” Relief touches his eyes for a moment before he nods his head.

  Using the hand holding my arm, he pulls me close and dips his head into my shoulder. “When I couldn’t find you, Adelaide, it was as if my whole world was shaken.” His words are heavy on my heart. Hearing him express his feelings make my palms sweaty. What exactly are his feelings toward me?

  Is it as siblings, like with Kristy? Or perhaps like Maria and Captain von Trapp?

  “Come, let’s get you home.”

  As Maddox leads me to the truck, I can’t help but silently wish for the latter.

  A Month

  June 25, 2017

  It has been over a month since the trip into town with Maddox.

  It has been over a month since Maddox has left.

  I don’t know where he went. He never came to the ranch after the incident. I watched from my window, waiting to see his blue truck pull into the driveway…however that never happened.

  Missy, Adam, Kristy, and especially Jeremy refuse to tell me where he went. They only say, “It’s a personal issue. We must trust he will fix it on his own…” or at least, along those lines.

  How can they keep this knowledge away from me? Surely, they understand that Maddox means something to me…that the friendship we forged lies dear upon my heart. I worry about him. I worry he’s in trouble.

  The events of our trip to town still occupy my mind. I think of little else. I wonder who this Cameron is. I wonder who Emily and Nile are, and why their appearance took Maddox away.

  Maddox has left everything behind. Serendipity, Phoenix, Cooper…and me. Without a word or a glance back…

  The first few weeks were extremely hard. I had relied upon Maddox to be my comfort and constant company. I trusted that he would always be here for me. But I have been proven wrong.

  After the first two weeks, I found something amongst Phoenix’s belongings…I found the brown leather halter and lead rope that Maddox has gifted me, and his Bible. I knew it was his, not only by his name printed on the cover, but
because we’ve shared it every Sunday morning.

  I stared at the cover, lying within a basket containing the halter made for a grown horse, the lead rope, leg wraps designed for a grown horse, and boots designed for a grown horse. Maddox had bought equipment that Phoenix would need in the years to come.

  The notion is bittersweet. Maddox has always been selfless and I’m happy to accept the gifts. But the fact that he bought them now means that he does not intend to return before Phoenix is fully grown. He has prepared me for the future, because he does not intend to be here.

  I grabbed the heavy book and contemplated what to do with it. For a split second, I was determined to throw it away. But as I held it and tears ran down my cheeks, I knew I could not. Phoenix, Serendipity, Cooper, and this Bible are all that are left of Maddox. I have no desire to get rid of any of them.

  That night, I sat in my bed with the Bible in my lap. I opened it to a marked page and stared at the underlined scripture. Never will I leave you, nor forsake you. A piece of folded paper was also shoved within the pages and I skeptically opened it to reveal Maddox’s masculine handwriting.

  Adelaide,

  You do not know how much this pains me. It is tearing my heart apart as I write these words that will surely sever your own. I hate knowing that I am hurting you, but no matter how much anguish this is bringing me, it does not amount to the pain I would suffer if something happened to you.

  I promised to share my past with you, sweet Adelaide. And I keep all of my promises.

  My name is Cameron Maddox Steele, and at the age of seventeen, I was charged with manslaughter.

  I wish I was there to tell you all of this. But being with you only puts you in danger. Nile, my brother-in-law, has a vendetta against me, and he caught a glimpse of just how important you are to me.

  I know you have questions, but let me try to clarify as best as I can. I was seventeen, therefore I did not have to serve time in prison. I was given the opportunity to go to a ranch and serve my time with hard labor. And while I was doing so, I was bestowed upon the most loving family. Adam Crane saved my life…he took me in as his own child and when my debt to society was paid off, he offered me a home. A family.

  I was blessed, Adelaide.

  Nile was not. He was with me the night that man died. He was twenty-two and he was forced to serve his time in prison. He blames me for the hardships he faced. He blames me and he wants me to pay, just as he had.

  When I saw him with you, Adelaide, it was as if everything went out of focus.

  I fell in love with you the first day I met you. I am not ashamed to admit it. God has gifted you to me, to love and protect until my last breath. And that is what I am doing, my sweet Adelaide.

  I must leave. I agreed to rejoin Nile, to sacrifice my soul if need be, to ensure you will never have to.

  I have left Serendipity in your care. You love my horse and I trust her in your capable hands. I also leave Cooper with you, to protect you while I cannot. I went back to the shop and purchased essentials for Phoenix. I regret not being there to help watch him grow. But I know you will do a great job in raising him. And this Bible…Adelaide, God will never forsake you…even when I have.

  Trust in Him. Give Him all your burdens and all your love. I have marked scriptures within this book and written notes in the margins. Do not seek them out. Instead, trust that God will bestow them upon you when the time is right. I pray to return to you soon, Adelaide. But I will not until the threat has diminished.

  I do not expect you to wait for me…I want you to find love and comfort. I want you to laugh every day and read countless novels. I promised you the world, and as I’ve said, I keep my promises. I will return.

  But until then, I love you this day and all the days to come.

  Be strong, my sweet Adelaide, and do not be afraid to love.

  Until I look upon your beautiful eyes again,

  I love you,

  Cameron Maddox Steele

  I have read the letter every night. I don’t go to sleep without reading it, studying every word. I looked up the term for manslaughter to get a full understanding of what it meant. What I found shocked me to the core. How could Maddox do that?

  For a while, I was angry with him. Disgusted. The mere thought of him killing someone made me sick to my stomach. He fit the description of a monster. I cursed the memory of Maddox.

  But as time went by and I continued to read the letter every night, my hatred faded. How could it not? It’s clear that the Maddox at the age of seventeen is not the Maddox at the age of twenty-four. He isn’t violent, nor aggressive. He is calm and gentle.

  Manslaughter is unintentional murder…meaning that it was an accident. I wish I could ask Maddox what had happened, but I fear I will never be given the opportunity.

  I read the passage he intentionally marked over and over. At first, I thought Maddox was sending a message, saying he will never leave me. However, it is clear that he was silently begging me to rely upon God. To remember that even though people may leave us, God is a constant.

  Over the month and a half, much has changed. I have gained a dog. Cooper, almost as if it were an assignment, has not left my side. He watches me constantly, always ready to pounce at a threat. He has become my dog, just as Maddox had intended.

  I care for Serendipity. My skill in the saddle has improved greatly. I ride her almost every day with Phoenix following by her side.

  Phoenix has already grown quite a bit and his training has progressed smoothly.

  I feel as if my relationship with the Cranes has suffered due to my detachment. I find myself spending more time in the stables than in the house. I speak to the horses more than to people.

  My heart is in constant ache. If I thought the betrayal at the store was heartbreaking, I was naïve. Even though I thought Maddox had betrayed me, I didn’t lose him. But now, with him gone, I feel amiss.

  I do not understand the sorrow I feel. I didn’t feel this way when my mother passed, permanently leaving me.

  Is this what love is like? If so, I never want to be in love again. Maddox has the power to completely break me.

  Kristy convinced me to work with her at the town’s bookstore. She said it would be an easy way to occupy my mind and meet new people. While I did meet new people, my mind was hardly occupied.

  It seemed every small motion would remind me of Maddox. If a man tipped his hat in greeting, I thought of Maddox. If someone scratched the back of their neck, I thought of Maddox. If the topic of horses came up, I thought of Maddox. If someone wore plaid, I thought of Maddox.

  I’m beginning to lose my mind. How do I move on from this? How do I push this pain aside and continue onward?

  A gasp leaves my lips as I stare at the markings on the page. I sit up, clutching Maddox’s Bible within my hands. The first noted verse. I have done as he wished. I did not search for his notes, instead I have been reading the Bible at a leisurely pace. And now, I have been bestowed upon his first message to me.

  “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10.

  Tears roll down my cheeks as I read the underlined verse. My fingers run over the words before I look at Maddox’s handwriting in the margin.

  My sweet Adelaide, do not be dismayed. If ever you feel lost or at your weakest, remember God is by your side and He will strengthen you. I imagine you’re reading this while the pain of my departure is still raw. Lean onto Him, Adelaide, and He will uphold you. Love, Maddox.

  I lift the Bible to my chest and let out a loud sob. Cooper whines from the foot of my bed, but I ignore him as I try to grow closer to Maddox through his words. I wish he were here, to help teach me the glory of God in person. But I cannot deny the warmth I feel inside to know that even hundreds of miles away, Maddox is still managing to save my life by showing me God’s love.

  What Are His Plans?

  *Maddo
x*

  July 7, 2017

  I rest my forehead against the windowpane as sweat runs down my back. My breath comes out in pants as I try to slow my racing heart. My palms are hot and moist as I rub them on my jeans. My skin feels as if millions of ants are crawling up and down my body.

  I have just done something immoral and I am suffocating in guilt. I can hardly breathe, hardly focus as my mind swarms with the wide blue eyes that stared up at me with horror.

  The blue eyes that were so similar to Adelaide’s. It struck my heart like a dagger as I pointed my gun in between those familiar orbs. Even though they belonged to a male, they were practically identical to those of the woman I love. And as I threatened his life, I felt like I was threatening hers.

  Tears roll down my cheeks as I try to push her face out of my mind. I have been struggling this last month and a half to not pack my bags and reunite with Adelaide. But my debt is not repaid. Until it is, I can’t leave, for I will fear for her safety.

  This debt has been a burden upon my heart and my soul. Every day, I feel as if I am slipping further from the man who loves Adelaide and God, and closer to the man who caught a thrill in smuggling drugs.

  I detest the man I was in my youth. I was forced into this lifestyle at a young age, and even though my part in it was small, I still enjoyed the rush it gave me. I liked seeing the fear my uncles and cousins placed into the men on the opposite end of their guns. I liked running from the cops; the momentary fear of being caught and then the overwhelming sense of relief when we weren’t. I liked knowing that what we were doing was wrong.

  But the reason I was charged with manslaughter had nothing to do with the gang my family runs. Nile and I were driving through town and stopped at a gas station. I waited in the car while Nile went in to grab a few miscellaneous items. From outside, I could see him getting in a heated argument with someone inside and it resulted in a few thrown punches.