Renew Page 9

  Next minute, Nile’s running out as if there is a shotgun pointed to his head. He screams for me to drive away, and as I threw the car in reverse, I ran over an elderly man who didn’t have a chance of surviving the impact.

  After all that I had done and seen: all the cop chases, and the smuggling of drugs, and being a witness to countless murders, it was an innocent night out that took me away from my corrupted life.

  I only have God to thank. He could have waited until I was driving the getaway car from a heist, which would have elongated my sentence…or even wait until I was of age and lock me away for life.

  Instead, God took me from the terrible situation and sent me to live with the Cranes to start over. And for seven years, I reformed my life. I threw away all ties to my family, and soon they hardly became a thought. The thrill I once had in seeing the fear in men’s eyes was replaced with the love a complete stranger bestowed upon a troubled kid. The thrill of running from the cops was replaced with the pure bliss galloping through the fields brought. The thrill of seeing a man die was replaced with the feeling of God’s grace when we traveled to Uganda and built homes for starving children.

  I thank and curse God for Adelaide. She owns my heart, there is no doubt about it. I have gladly given it to her. Every moment we spent together is constantly on replay in my mind. I can’t get over her beautiful smile and delicate touch…I thank God for giving her to me, because she is a gift I treasure with all that I am.

  But I curse Him. He gave her to me, knowing that it would come with consequences. When I fell in love with Adelaide, she became a target, my own kryptonite. Nile saw her and instantly knew how to make me pay. Either with her life, or seeing the very soul I refurbished deteriorate.

  I would never allow anyone touch Adelaide. There wasn’t even a choice. I had to leave and I had to do it without telling her. The look in her eyes of complete betrayal and anguish would have ripped my heart apart. And in the end, I would have convinced myself that I could fight off my family and keep her safe.

  But I knew that was unrealistic. Even if there was a chance, the risk was too great.

  I pull out my phone to see a message from Kristy. She texts me once a week, giving me an update on Adelaide and the Cranes. She knows I will never message her back, but I’m glad that doesn’t deter her from sending them.

  I walk over to my bed and sit on the edge, grasping my phone.

  Kristy: Maddox,

  I will never understand what you are going through. I know it must be hard on you, because it is hard on us. I miss you so much. I took for granted the time we spent together. It simply was not enough. You have become a brother to me and I hate the not knowing, Maddox! Just, please, text me back so I know you’re alive and all right…even if it’s just a thumbs up.

  My mom and dad are doing all right. They are struggling…they practically lost their son. Mom still sets your place at the dinner table and practically sobs as she then puts it away. Dad sometimes tacks up Dexter for you, before doing his horse, just as he always did when you were running late. Adelaide is the one who points out his mistake and he’s always flustered and heartbroken.

  Jeremy misses you like crazy, even though you were hardly close. He’s even quieter, having nothing to say and no one to talk to.

  Adelaide…Maddox, she hardly speaks to us. She’s either in her room or with the animals. Cooper is glued to her side, just as you intended. She rides Serendipity every day and her bond with Phoenix is slightly shaken. She doesn’t spend as much time with him as we…I guess, I, now…would hope.

  She found your Bible. We were in church last Sunday when she let out a gasp and broke into tears. I peeked over to see a note written in the margins right before she ran out of the service with your Bible in her hands. Are you sure those notes were a good idea? You are giving her hope of a return…are you ever returning?

  Please, Maddox…come home. Whatever it is you’re facing, you don’t have to do it alone. We love you.

  If you can’t come, remember that God loves you as well. Remember to confide in Him and He will give you strength…only with God’s strength can you overcome the turmoils you face and return safely to us.

  All our love,

  Kristy and family.

  Attached to the message is a picture of Adelaide in the barn, tacking up Serendipity. I can see that she’s talking to the horse, seeking comfort from her as she always has. Tears roll down my cheeks as I reach forward and touch her pixelated face, wishing she were here.

  “Cameron!” Pounding at the door brings me back to reality, to the small apartment room I reside in. I clutch the phone in my hand as if it were my life-line…and in a sense, it is. It is the only thing keeping me tied to Adelaide.

  I look over at the door. “What?” I shout.

  “Boss has another job for us!” Mouse, my younger cousin, says.

  “We just finished a job!”

  “Well, seems like he has another for you!” I grind my teeth and take a few deep breaths. Nile is surely giving it his all to ensure I go back to my roots. He wants me to become the man I once was.

  I’m scared that by the end of all of this, I just might be.

  I stand to my feet and send a quick thumbs up to Kristy before I pocket my phone and meet Mouse at the door.

  *Adelaide*

  “Adelaide, can I come in?” I hear a light knock on my door and I look away from my window to stare at it.

  My silence is apparently an answer, for Kristy opens the door and peeks her head in to see me. She quickly slides in and closes the door behind her. A small smile adorns her face as she tip-toes over to sit on the other side of my window seat.

  “Maddox is okay,” she whispers. Her words catch me off guard. I raise my eyebrows in confusion as I look at the phone in her pocket. “Adelaide, I don’t want to give you false hope. I know his disappearance broke your heart, and I never want to see you in pain again, but I hate that you are wallowing away in here. I know about the Bible. He didn’t say anything, but I saw it in church. I…I want to be someone you can talk to.”

  Tears well in my eyes as I look away, back to the pastures filled with our horses.

  I can see Phoenix with his mother, already growing in size as he grazes.

  My heart breaks every time I see that beautiful colt. He was gifted to me from Maddox, and I can’t help but hold a bit of resentment toward the foal. How could Maddox give me such a large responsibility and then leave me to figure it out on my own? This is a life I have to take care of…I can’t even take care of my own!

  Last Sunday, I found another message from Maddox. It was from the scripture: ‘“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”’ Jeremiah 29:11.

  Then Maddox wrote,

  Adelaide, God has such big plans for you! He already knows of your future and I know it will be a great one. Do not question whether or not I will be in it. Do not question my safety and my love for you. Know that God will not abandon you. He will prosper you. Oh, my sweet Adelaide, how I wish I could guarantee us a future together. I want nothing more than to hold and kiss and love you every day for the rest of our lives. But until I can make that future certain, trust in God with all of your soul and all of your heart and all of your mind. Love, Maddox.

  Every message I find brings forth tears and anguish. I wish I could understand God’s plan for me. I wish I understood all that He has planned for this heartbreak given to Maddox and me both.

  How could He do this to Maddox? Maddox has been a loyal follower…he has dedicated his life to Christ…why is he being punished?

  I look over at Kristy and let out a soft sigh. “I would love to tell you everything, Kristy. I could really use a friend right now…but first, I need you to do something for me.”

  Kristy lets out a sigh of relief, leaning forward to wrap her arms around my shoulders. “Of course…anything.”

  “I need to see your
phone.”

  Growth

  *Adelaide*

  July 1, 2018

  I sit on the fence, watching as Serendipity, Dexter, and Phoenix prance around the pasture. Phoenix pesters the older horses, nipping at their rumps and lowering his head to snake them around.

  Phoenix has grown into a beautiful young horse. His coat is dark, but gray and white are starting to peek through. He is large, the size of his mother, and caked with muscle. He’s not one to be reckoned with. However, he is a constant spurt of energy.

  So much has changed over the last year.

  I finally got my GED, meaning that I am technically a high school graduate. As of right now, I haven’t got a clue of where I want my future to go. I have looked into psychology, having a desire to help people who may have problems similar to my own. But I’m working at a bookstore in town with Kristy, and my time around the ranch consumes my every thought.

  Jeremy moved to Chicago, leaving behind his horse and many unanswered questions. It was a strong sense of déjà-vu. He left with hardly a word, just as Maddox had. Not long after he sent word that he met a woman and they are soon to be married.

  Kristy still lives with the Cranes and me. She has become a sister and my best friend. She and I are typically the ones taking care of the horses. There are six of them, two without any owners. It breaks my heart to see two beautiful creatures abandoned.

  Missy and Adam act as if they’re high school sweethearts. On random occasions, Adam will walk in with bouquets of flowers or he will treat her to a night out into town. I’m happy for them. Seeing their love gives me hope for the future.

  No, I have not fallen in love. Kristy has set up a few dates for me, and while the potential boyfriends seemed nice enough, there was something missing.

  Darn him. Darn him for doing this to me. For stealing my heart and not having the common decency to return it!

  There has not been a word from Maddox. I had texted him a year ago, explaining my feelings and wishing he would just respond and come home. He never responded. He never acknowledged it. For all I know, he could be dead. The thought sickens me, but there is no way to know otherwise.

  I finished the Bible a few months ago and my messages from Maddox ended. There were fourteen in total…not nearly enough. I have forgotten what his voice sounds like. Even when I close my eyes and try with all my might to conjure up a few words he might say, I cannot.

  He’s gone and I still haven’t moved onward.

  I’m happy, don’t get me wrong. My life is amazing. I wake up every day to a beautiful ranch, a loving family, and magnificent animals that require my love and care.

  I am hardly the girl who was trapped within my own home. I am soft-spoken, but only for the fact that raised voices are hardly ever heard. I am no longer fearful of the unknown, for I am pretty much caught up with social norms. I drive, I text, I ride…I am confident to be on my own.

  Phoenix is my pride and joy. We got over the small hump where our connection was suffering due to Maddox’s disappearance. He is a year and three months old. He’s learning the comforts, or discomforts, of the saddle. He’s a bright horse and eager to learn.

  Serendipity is my safe haven, however. I still speak to her as if she can understand me. And in return, she looks at me with those brown eyes that never cease to see me for who I am.

  Cooper is nearing seven years of age and I can see the weariness weighing on him. However, he does well to remain by my side.

  I look down over my right side to see Cooper lying under the fence. His head and front paws lay in the pasture as he watches the horses while his tail waves toward the house. I smile and reach up to fix the black felt cowgirl hat atop my head. This is the only hat I own, therefore the only hat I wear.

  Maddox gave it to me the day before he left. How could I not wear it?

  I look over at Phoenix and, as if sensing my gaze, he meets my eyes. I smile at my beautiful horse and the brown leather halter adorning his head.

  Maddox’s gifts have come into use in the last few months. He bought them, certain he wouldn’t be here to see Phoenix reach one year of age…and he was right.

  Phoenix snorts, throws his head back, and lets out a loud whinny.

  “Adelaide! Adelaide!” I look over my shoulder to see Kristy running from the house, a large smile on her face. I climb off the fence and turn to face my crazed cousin. “Guess who just got asked to the Celebration of Wolf Creek!” Her smile is infectious as I squeal and throw my arms around her neck.

  “Oh, Kristy, that is so great!” I praise, pulling back to see her bright blue eyes shimmering with happiness.

  She walks over and folds her arms atop the fence, resting her chin on her hands. She lets out a heavy sigh. “We’re blessed, Adelaide,” Kristy whispers. I turn and look around the ranch, nodding my head in agreement.

  I stand beside her, both of us quiet for a minute. We listen to the nature around us, feeling at peace. Dexter trots over to brush his muzzle against Kristy’s hand, causing her to gently give him affection.

  He basks in it, tilting his head to the side as she scratches underneath his halter. Then, with a sudden change of interest, he springs away and canters over to playfully nip at Phoenix’s legs.

  “Are you planning on going?” Kristy suddenly asks, looking over her shoulder at me.

  I stare at her for a moment, my mouth slightly open as I run over my options. If it were just Kristy and I going, I would be excited. However, I don’t want to crash a date.

  As the saying goes… three’s a crowd. Kristy deserves to find happiness with someone. All through high school, she shunned the hormonal teenagers. Now that she has graduated, she’s willing to find someone. And this guy, Scott, seems to have potential.

  “No. You go and have fun. I’ll make sure all the chores are done.” Kristy’s face screws up into an unpleasant frown.

  “That sounds like a load of manure on your end!” she exclaims.

  “Hmph. Literally.” I smirk, causing her to chuckle and wrap an arm around my shoulders. I tilt my head so that it’s resting atop her own. I am so lucky to have a friend in Kristy. She has been there for me since the beginning and I will never be able to repay her.

  “I love you, Adelaide.”

  “I love you too, Kristy.”

  I shovel manure into the wheelbarrow, sweat dripping from my forehead as Cooper paces back and forth at my feet. I ignore the agitated dog as best as I can, focusing on both Kristy’s and my share of work. There’s still a lot left to be done and I only have a few more hours left of sunlight.

  I need to get these stalls done so I can retrieve the horses and lock them away for the night.

  When I finish Boaz’s stall, I lean the rake against the wall and look over at Cooper in exasperation. “Will you lie down?” I growl out to him. The loyal dog turns his head and looks at me with troubled eyes.

  Sighing, I walk forward and run my hand through his warm fur. “What is the problem, buddy?” I ask, squatting so our eyes are level. I spend a moment scratching his neck and behind his ears. Cooper eats up the attention, slightly leaning into my touch. I place a kiss to the top of his head and continue with my work.

  The attention I gave him seemed to have relaxed the dog all of two minutes. His whining continues, but I pay no heed, finishing with the last stall. After I’m done, I grab two lead ropes and jog to the front pasture where I open the gate. Dexter and Serendipity are first to my side, so I clip their halters and lead them to the barn after closing the gate behind me.

  Phoenix whinnies from the pasture, just as he always does when he’s left behind. I roll my eyes at my big baby.

  I put both horses in their stalls, giving them a mint each before exiting and latching the doors closed behind them.

  I take the leather lead rope, leaving the blue polyester one behind as I go to fetch Phoenix. He is at the gate, throwing his head up and down in earnest. I smirk, clipping the rope to his halter and leading up along the path to the barn
.

  Cooper lets out two loud barks, causing me to freeze and Phoenix to jolt in surprise. He’s used to dogs barking, therefore he is hardly spooked.

  Just as Cooper’s last bark finished echoing through the summer air, I hear the familiar crunch of tires on gravel. I pull my eyebrows together, wondering who could be pulling into the house. Kristy won’t be home until late and Missy and Adam are setting up dinner inside.

  I hear the opening and closing of the door and just as I am about to turn, I hear a voice. “He looks good.”

  I tense, my whole body going rigid as Cooper bolts toward his former owner. I grip Phoenix’s lead rope tightly, gaining stability from it.

  I hear footsteps behind me, more rocks grinding together with every approaching step. I close my eyes, tears gathering as I feel his presence.

  “Adelaide…” he whispers, his voice hoarse.

  My heart breaks inside of me, while leaping into a frantic race. My emotions are overwhelming and out of control. While I want to scream out in anger for him leaving me, I also want to wrap my arms around his neck and beg him to never leave again. While I want to cry in heartache, I also want to cry in joy.

  How could he do this to me? He left me high and dry, and now he’s back. Does he expect things to be as they were? Does he expect me to forgive him?

  I look over my shoulder and side-step, slightly turning my body to face him.

  Tears instantly fall down my cheeks as a sob escapes my lips. Not because of joy or heartache…but because of sympathy. With my free hand, I reach up and touch his jagged cheek, feeling the risen skin of a scar. Maddox instantly leans his face into my touch and I watch as he begins to cry as well. He wraps his fingers around my wrist, holding my hand in place as he clings to me.